2005 Year in Review

Parents Don't Have to Be Perfect

Moms are magicians of the everyday, using magic words of consolation when a daughter is distraught because she didn't make the basketball team. And fathers have "superpowers" they may not be aware of; they can make a child's heart burst with pride with a well-timed and sincerely meant compliment.

Such ordinary family magic is the key to family resilience, said Ann S. Masten, Distinguished McKnight University Professor in the Institute of Child Development at the University of Minnesota and the speaker at a recent Pampered Chef® Family Resiliency lecture at the University of Illinois.

"A child's resilience shows up in a pattern of appropriate growth and positive behaviors even when there is significant adversity in his life," she said. "Simply put, it means the child is doing fine even though he has a lot to overcome."

Masten said that children who continue to "do well" even when life throws them a curve do so because "they have resilient families that buffer the children in adversity." She has seen miraculous turnarounds when traumatized children are placed in loving families.

"Research shows that parents play a key role in mediating and moderating the bad things that happen to families and children," she said. "As adversity rises, the less likely good parenting becomes, and the more important it is."

Masten, who has worked with child refugees, war survivors, and children living in shelters because of poverty or violence, is very familiar with the effects of trauma on young people.

You've heard the saying, "When it rains, it pours?" Masten said that when problems begin to occur in a family, risk factors often pile up, complicating an already difficult situation. Many stressors harm children because their parents are affected, she said.

"A child staying in a homeless shelter is more likely to have other risk factors in addition to a less than ideal living situation. He is more likely to have a single parent, a mother with little education, to have witnessed family violence, to have been in foster care, or to have experienced abuse," she said.

But, even in a homeless shelter, a parent can contribute to a child's well-being. "A mother who has landed in a shelter obviously faces many problems of her own. But some mothers immediately begin to ask: 'How will my child get to school from here? Where can my son do his homework?' These kids will have better outcomes than some of the other kids who are there," she said.

Fortunately, children and families also have measurable assets, not just risk factors. Assets that work in the child's best interests include ordinary parents or caregivers (perfection is not required), connections to competent and caring adults, good thinking skills, positive self-perceptions, spirituality or faith and religious affiliation, talents valued by self and others, socioeconomic advantages, and effective schools and communities.

And if parents do fumble the ball when times get tough, another caring adult who steps in can make a tremendous difference. "In such a situation, that person's presence is vital," she said. "We just don’t see resilient people who didn't have some sort of caregiver in their life."

Masten advocates family-friendly work environments and social policies that support families, such as housing assistance, better prenatal care for expectant mothers, treatment for maternal depression, and better emergency services.

But the average family really doesn't have to do anything all that special to foster resilience. "Ordinary families themselves are powerful tools for resilience," she said.

"When a parent is warm and caring, has high but realistic expectations for the child, and is consistent in discipline, ordinary family magic has a chance to do its work," said Masten. You don't even have to wave a wand or say abracadabra.

In 2000, The Pampered Chef made a financial commitment to the University of Illinois College of Agricultural, Consumer and Environmental Sciences in Urbana-Champaign to establish The Pampered Chef Family Resiliency Program. Directed by Professor Laurie Kramer, the program consists of a lecture series, faculty research grants, and graduate fellowships in the area of strengthening families.

That initial commitment has been extended through 2009, ensuring that the program will continue to support innovative research, education, and public engagement activities that hold potential for strengthening families with practical strategies to improve family life.

by  Editor, theCity1.com
May 10, 2005